Sunday, September 21, 2008

Tips for Catching the Girls/Boys

Anna and I are sitting on the couch discussing this, so I thought I might help my readers by putting up these tips, this advice for catching the boys/girls.

1.) Start your sentence with who you are. "I am obviously Karl Lagerfeld, hmm?"
2.) Buy a fan, and fan yourself constantly when you see them.
3.) Have Vogue encoded with anagrams for this person: for instance, "I love you" becomes "Olive You"; as in "Olive You, the new designer at Dior showed a stunning collection last Thursday".
Of course, "Olive You" is really yourself under a pseudonym, and if necessary you may have to...bump someone off at a company in order to give "Oliver You" a place.
4.) Buy a large Chanel people catching net, and catch other potential suitors of this person. Don't try and catch the person you desire, hmm? Anna has found this makes them most agitated.

I've never really had any problem with all this, hmm? But maybe this is useful for those of you who do. Anna thinks being beautiful helps, and of course it does. Also being rich. Don't you read Vogue?

Well actually I don't read Vogue. I have it printed onto wallpaper and give the wallpaper out as presents. How terribly Andy Warhol! Does anybody read Vogue? I figure someone must do.
Well. It gives Anna something to do anyway and you do not want to see Anna with nothing to do.
Two words: Vandalizing delinquent.
Nobody remembers teenage Anna. Why? Teenage Anna does not exist. That is the official answer.

The other answer entails you going to abandoned factories in England and reading the graffiti on the walls. She was known as The Editor. How ironic, hmm?

Also, collection 2 has been released in the shop. See it here.
Some of the items are tres chic. Marc Jacobs brought all the totes. He came into the shop (don't ask me how he came into a shop on the internet) and said "I'll have all of them" and spent all his ciggy money on the totes. Then he sort of disappeared into blips and dots because he realized that he probably shouldn't physically be in a virtual shop anyway. He was found in his office with a Russian Folk dance troupe.


Giorgio said...

wow! best relationship guide ever! thank you uncle karl :)

haha i can imagine a young hippie anna spray painting all london :)))

ann said...

Anna was never a hippie. She is Anna.

Julien said...

What do they do with the people they catch in the net?(I say they; I do not need to do such things. Karl, how is it you know what the ugly people do? You must watch them, I assume).

Should they burn them? Bury them? I ask because often the ugly are stupid and do not think of the consequences of their actions - case in point, them being ugly. I have to look at them. But do they care? No, because they are often selfish too, and so those who are smarter have to think for them.

Maybe the caught suitors can form a group. In the net maybe? Or even on it!? (if they haven't been burnt/buried alive)

I wouldn't advise catching the one you want (if there is only one! How sad...) unless they are crazy and devlop stockholms syndrome. In that case eject them immediately.