Saturday, September 13, 2008

(Fashion) People

Sometimes I go to a fashion district- in whatever city I'm in, and I get Nico from my personal makeup team to make me up as a homeless vagrant.

Yes, you heard right dear readers. A homeless vagrant.

And I sit on one of the seats that are provided wherever you go, and sometimes I comment on the people going past:
"You look chic, hm?"
"Dear, why are you wearing fake Chanel? That is so demode"
"Why are you eating?"

And the reactions are entertaining enough: "Ew, you smelly old man!", "gross!", "I wonder what Karl Lagerfeld would say about you? I know Karl you know!"
No- you do not know me. I've never seen your face in my life. (This is a common thing in the fashion industry: saying you know me. Some people even create photoshop images of them and I, together. )

And I'm saying this all in my normal voice. Yet nobody knows that it's me! Hilarious, hm?
(Apart from Rei. I was once in Japan, and Rei came up to me whilst I was dressed as a homeless vagrant and she said "Karl, why are you dressed like that? I thought you hated John Galliano?"
I said "shhh!" and Rei decided that it would be fun to join me as a homeless vagrant. So we went to the Comme des Garcons store and were kicked out. Rei had a sort of spasm-like laughing fit, and Anna came and fired the staff in that Comme des Garcons store the next day. "YOU DID NOT RECOGNIZE DEAR LEADER! SHAME ON YOU!")

Sometimes I don't say anything at all, and I just watch all the fashion people walk around.
They studiously ignore each other, with their noses upturned. Like they're trying to say: "I'M MORE FASHION THAN YOU".

The collection will be updated next week. Every week! That's true fast fashion.
(So go buy the collection now, hmm?)


Julien said...

Did you encounter that heinous Prada woman when dressed as a vagrant? Did she try to steal from you? Seeing her face to face must be a traumatising experience.

The fake Chanel is there so you know how much better the real one is, Karl. If we didn't have the demode carrying the fakes, then we would have to compete with one another to look good. And we know who would win, don't we?

Joey said...

Does Anna do all the firing in the industry?

water said...

Have you received my love letter on 13 Sept.? It is about loving “you”, but nobody else. It is heart breaking if I found all my love letters were not replied from you.

Love always kills.

water said...

Dear lovely Julien,

The subject is (Fashion) People. Why are you talking about Prada woman?
But I can feel that you are so cute and so pretty.

Karl Lagerfeld said...

Water, you do know what satire is, hmm?
"A manner of writing that mixes a critical attitude with wit and humor in an effort to improve mankind and human institutions. Ridicule, irony, exaggeration, and several other techniques are almost always present. ..."

Annie said...

Karl, you're last few posts are very funny and good, hmmm? I was beginning to get a bit bored wuth the Prada/Galliano jokes but I feel as if they have been re-invented, a bit like Madonna...

Vidal Wu said...

Satire makes my heart feel good.