Revolution in Tanzania

I am on the streets of Tanzania right this minute, assistants of mine are dashing forth and with scraps of paper to fax and give to various people. Behind me the streets are chaos, people running with picket signs saying "DOWN WITH FASHION", wearing their uggs and clothes that even Rachael Zoe wouldn't wear. Dust is everywhere, the place is a soundtrack for a revolution: but what is happening here is a revolution. One that is not good for fashion.

The people of Tanzania are revolting against fashion! The Gucci store is in flames, the Prada store's windows are being bashed in and salespeople wearing tight, tight pants and skirts waddle out frantically, falling over each other like bowling pins. Expensive bowling pins. The Louis Vuitton crowd meanwhile escapes in their BMWs- wait- one was just tossed over- the crowd roars it's appreciation, proceeding to burn their Chanel t-shirts (not the Chanel t-shirts!).

What has happened in Tanzania today is that the people have gotten sick of the reasonable prices that most fashion sells for and they are demanding cheap clothes that aren't fashionable. They are sick of fashion. Could this happen elsewhere? In America? In Paris?
This is all the fault of one man- the authorities here are only calling him one name- W- I just sent out a note to meet him. I am told he dresses well, in Dior Homme.

Now my team of assistants is forming a human wall around me, as the ChanelCopter comes to pick me up (there goes Boris. Ah, he was a good assistant. Lucky Chanel has a good legal dept., hmmmm?)

Reporting from the scene- Karl Lagerfeld.