Okay, this is a surprise

So they tell me that oompa loompas don't really exist.

I got to on the plane that was meant to be taking me to Africa and one of my people handed me a phone. "Hello. This is [unpronounceable African name]. I'm sorry but there aren't really any oompa loompas in Africa".
"What about Brazil?"
"No."
"Australia?"
"Sir, there isn't really any oompa loompas anywhere."
........
"But there must be! It said in this book I read..."
"Which section did you find the book?"
"Oh, it was just on the floor where I put all my other books that I intend to read sometime"
"I don't think the book is real, sir"
"How do you mean it isn't real!"
"It's fictional"
"You're fired."
"Sir, I don't work for you."
"Are you wearing clothes?"
"um. Yes"
"Then you work for me. You did anyway. I order you to get undressed"
"You're nuts, man"
"I do no not hear undressing!"

The phone cut out at this point. So I threw it at the nearest person.
I'm still pretty sure oompa loompas exist. They just won't tell me. I mean, I exist- and my existence is as improbable as oompa loompas. (Who knew people would buy clothes the cost a few dollars to make for thousands? The great mystery of fashion, hm?). Therefore if I exist so must oompa loompas.

The other "designers" must be paying the Africans off so they can get the designs I throw out my window again. I will find the oompa loompas!