I was talking to some demode fashion person today, and when they dared to criticize the new Chanel bags I said:
"Are you fashion?? Are you enough of a whore to buy this bag? ARE YOU?"
And she looked at me a little weirdly. Hmm.
"YOU KNOW, HAVING WHAT IT TAKES TO PULL OFF A BAG THAT CHEAP TAKES SKILL. DO YOU HAVE THAT SKILL?"
And she started to back away.
"ARE YOU GETTING WET OVER THE THOUGHT OF BUYING THIS CHANEL BAG?"
Then she started to dial on her Dior cell phone.
"ARE YOU A FASHION WHORE?"
And then she put the Dior cell phone up to her ear.
"Do you try hard enough? Do you fawn over my daughter enough? Have you left 10 million comments on her posts? Have you!? Do you love her? Do you want to be her? Do you read all those hip little magazines that I eat and lick their contents and buy everything that's in them?
Do you take fashion seriously? You know, fashion is serious business. Really serious. Do you weigh under 50 kgs? Are you an anorexic? Bulimic? Good lord, you're not 51 kgs are you??!"
She had her mouth open at this point. Needs dental work.
"Do you, or do you not; take this here Chanel bag that's actually a joke to be your boyfriend?"
She started trying to say something here.
"Will you sleep with this Chanel bag, will you dress for this Chanel bag? Are you fashion enough?"
She was kind of shaking violently.
"Why, where are you Rayban Wayfarers (TM)? You want to be a good hipster, don't you?"
She started to fumble in her purse whilst still shaking.
"Are those FAKE RAYBANS I see? Do you think that's very fashion there?"
She got down on her knees.
"I don't think YOU are very FASHION, hmmmm?"
"Please Karl, have mercy."
"Why couldn't you behave like a good little tool, hmmm?"
"There is no "I" in fashionista apart from the two that are there! Prepare for punishment, you fake you!"
And then I had a nice drink of Diet Coke.