Cathy Horyn shops at Walmart

Dear Cathy,

I recently read that you are now buying your clothes from Walmart. I suppose this..."recession" has hit you pretty hard. What with that Chanel dress I sent you last year, and the invites that you're sent; invites to about a million dinners which obviously cannot feed your ravenous appetite. I once let you eat a sandwich at the Chanel studio, for fashion's sake.

But then I realized what you're doing...this shopping at Walmart, is very fashion indeed. How else could you help perpetuate slav- child labour, hmm? Shopping at Walmart is really a brilliant idea for this; almost Anna-like in it's genius! So I thank you, Cathy Horyn; for continuing the evil that we in the fashion industry work very hard to maintain.

I have beside me the child you made that garment for you; the one you bought at Walmart. Her name is "Walmart #455", because in this day and age, what sort of slave needs a name, huh? It's all very efficient. It warms my heart to see this kind of evil, even more than the videos that the PETA-people send me. In fact, I would like to thank those wonderful people at PETA for the free videos. They're great entertainment, huh?

Now, I am going to send this child to you, hmm? "Walmart #455". She is very fashion, hmm? She hardly weighs a thing! I don't think she's ever eaten! I thought that maybe she could make clothes for you from now on; cut out the middle factor in your wrongdoing, no? Why not run the sweatshop yourself! So I'm very pleased with this idea of mine. I do realize this will mean that you'll have less of an excuse to go into Walmart now and feel superior because you're wearing that Balenciga sample that you somehow squeezed into. To fix this, I have designed some large posters with your face on them. They are very, very large and we will hang them up in Walmart; so your gaze will look down upon the demode ones, with their mom jeans.

So let me offer you my congratulations, Cathy. A job well done.

Love,
Karl