If McCain had won, the Chanel Operatives (in close co-operation with my 12,000-member private police force) would have kidnapped Sarah Palin, forcibly made her over, de-accented her and shipped her to a small island in the Arctic Circle. She could still see Russia from her cell, so I can only assume she'd feel at home. Thank Karl we don't have to do that now. I can now use the money to buy small demode countries and make them chic. I am Anna. I have more power than you think, adoring public.
GET ME MICHELLE OBAMA ON THE PHONE. SHE'S ON OUR COVER THIS MONTH AND IF YOU FAIL TO CONNECT ME TO HER IMMEDIATELY, I WILL EXILE YOU TO THE NAMIBIAN DESERT. ALSO, SEND THE OBAMAS EVERY ORCHID IN AMERICA. RIGHT NOW.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Donatella is at my door begging to dress Michelle for the cover. I hope she practiced her groveling.