Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Karl-Fu

Hello, young grasshopper. There are moves which are not in the traditional Karl-Fu lookbook; and they're not in there for a reason. However, today I shall explain them-- too many people who don't follow Karl-Fu are using these moves, and it irritates me. The art is something to be not made a joke of, hmm?

The first forbidden move is "Pigeon Stance", named after the failed shoemaker L. Pigeon, who had the habit of standing in this manner before he was assassinated by "The Sole". Example here.
Note how her feet are turned inwards; as if she is a pigeon. This is not a good stance. You may think it makes you look adorable, but in fact it makes your power very much weaker; and your ability to strut is severely compromised.
Oh, and it makes you look like a tosser. That too, hmm?

The second forbidden move is "Downwards Gaze", a move invented by a very ugly person who was too ugly to look at people. There is another school of thought that believes it was invented by "The Shameful Teenager", or "The Drug Addict in Court". Make up your own mind, hmm?
Downwards gaze looks like this.
Note how she utilizes both "Pigeon Stance" and "Downwards Gaze" at the same time. This person is a student of the dark arts, hmm? We do not do downwards gaze simply because it stops our ability to stare and intimidate people. Use sunglasses instead.

The third and final forbidden move that I shall speak about today is known as the "You Fuck Karl Off" stance (yes, I do swear. It's terribly vulgar, but there's really nothing else to describe this). Here is an example, hmm? Now look at this person. His clothes are too big, of course. But his whole expression, his whole attitude says: "I AM SO SERIOUS ABOUT FASHION AND I HAVE PICTURES OF RAF SIMONS ON MY WALL".
Yes, this person probably has a room lined with pictures of Raf Simons; a room where he practices curling up into a ball, as if he's some sort of portable vacuum cleaner or something. I don't care if this guy wears black and white every day, he takes it too seriously.

I would also like to say that I obviously hate this Lookbook-- AKA the dating site for hipsters. It is demode. We already there's many demode people in the world; do they really need to be put into one place, hmm?

5 comments:

Stag said...

Oh shit, this is the best post yet. Lookdick.nu is the demode of demode...

Hail king Karl!!!

Nana said...

I found my newest sex slave there.

Mo said...

oh my, but i LOVE lookbook, it is not all demode, they make wonderful love to chanel bags there Karl

K said...

Oh the narcisitic lill Lookbookers-hahahha. Cracked me up this one Karl!

Ron said...

hmmm