As many of you know, I'm able to be in two places at once. It's a skill of mine. A talent, you could say. And whilst I was on the moon I was also attending the fashion shows; and one of the shows I went to was the Dries van Noten mens show.
What a show, hmm? It's been said that fashion reflects the times; and that clocks also reflect the times; and that clocks are mechanical or electronic and can therefore break. So, clocks that are slow, fast, or broken can change the times which therefore changes fashion. I believe this is what has happened at Dries van Noten (who also happens to be my garderner), in that Dries van Noten's clock has been replaced with a Cold War era one, or perhaphs a Chairman Mao clock. So imagine Dries' workroom, which is covered with pictures from National Geographic, and imagine this steel clock with font that's slightly too sharp (as if looking at it will cut you sharper than a Dior Homme coat), and imagine Dries watching the clock, and knowing that the economy is in bad shape. He doesn't watch CNN or ADHD or CNS or any of those other random assortments of letters, because he's mostly too busy gardening. But that morning, the cleaning lady who we will suppose to be a rabbid communist, replaced the workroom clock with a standard issue communist clock. And Dries starts getting ideas into his head.
Namely, this collection he put out-- the 2010 collection- is a communist collection. Dries van Noten has been influenced by World Fashion Communism, a force made up of...erm....of. Well. That's exactly it. You don't know who could be a fashion communist. That well dressed man who's knocking your knickers out could be a fashion communist; the Prada woman could be a fashion communist; even I could be a fashion communist.
Actually, I can tell you right now- this is the straight talk catwalk- that I'm not a communist. Because I don't even pretend to think we're all equal. If I wrote Animal Farm; it would be an allegory for Karl world, where everything is not equal. There would be no animals or people because animals and people are smelly. It'd just consit of I making random quotes every few pages.
So, help crush fashion communism-- and help keep elitism in style. Remember, you're better than other people; but if you buy more Chanel that other people, you will be even better and get that feel-good sense of superiority. Ah, isn't it nice, hmm?
WAYS TO CRUSH FASHION COMMUNISM:
1.) Buy fur. The rarer the animal, the better.
2.) Buy Chanel. Couture is best.
3.) Buy a DEMODE t-shirt.
4.) Buy perfume made from the blood of virgins.
That is all.