Saturday, January 31, 2009

A children's story for the times.

There was once a silly but very powerful fashion editor who only wore Balmain and Margiela and other fashion brands that're not designed by Karl Lagerfeld (officially, anyway. Everybody knows that Margiela and such are simply the old designs of Karl Lagerfeld that he threw out). She was French, yet she did not own much Chanel. Sometimes, she would walk by one of the little French cafes and the ladies who weren't acquainted with methods of Not Eating, would laugh at this very silly fashion editor.

"How come you don't wear Chanel, Carine?", they taunted.
"We thought you were French! French Girls wear Chanel!"

And so on they went; but Carine thought she was better than these ladies who actually ate food anyway, because she edited a fashion magazine that was read only by the goths that exist in the sewers of France, and American fashionistas who assume that their French counterparts read it (whilst in actual fact, the French fashionistas were too busy blowing their noses on Hermès scarves. There was a cold going around France at this point, you see.)

Now one day Carine was walking along a Very Fashionable Street, where she noticed that the Balmain t-shirt she was going to buy had been marked down to Nine Hundred and Fifty Dollars from one thousand dollars.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed in French. There must be a depression! Fashion must be collapsing! It's the end of the world as we know it!

So she went to her little offices, and told her staff:

The staff and herself marched down the Very Fashionable Street and met up with a photographer who took pictures of people for "Street Style".
"I am not a street urchin!" shouted Carine. "If you are going to take a picture of me, you better call it something else!....Like "Non-Street Urchin Style", or "Scary Cat People Style," or something."
"Who said I was going to take a picture of you?
"Well, really now. I'm the editor of French Vogue."
"DOT DOT DOT?! Is that all you can that?"
"Fine then. Oh my! How I am amazed to find myself in the presence of such a force of fashion! What can I do for you, scary person?"
"Well, you know that the world is collapsing?"
"It is! I saw a Balmain t-shirt for only $950 today!"
"They don't have dollars in France."
"Most of our readership isn't French so it doesn't matter."
"Are you alluding to French Vogue, or Karl Lagerfeld's Guide to Life?"
"We're breaking the fourth wall a lot today, aren't we Gustav?"
"My name is not Gustav."
"Next we'll be calling you Estrogen."
"Are you sure it was only $950?"
"Yes! It's a sure sign of the oncoming depression."
"This is simply shocking!"
"It's a scandal!"
"It's an outrage!"
"We must go and tell more people!"
"We must go and tell King Karl!"

They gathered up all of Paris (even the homeless), and went to knock on King Karl's door.
"Hello", said Karl.
"There's a depression! There's a depression!"
"Who said?"
"I could help with this, hmm?"
"What do we have to do?" shouted the crowd of several million stylish Parisians.
"Actually, you're all too demode. I know a fable like this is meant to have some sort of moral, but you all just bore me."

At this point the sky fell. The crowd, once silent, kept shouting about the depression. Karl sighed and went back into his closet.


Vidal Wu said...

ah, karl.
your chic state of uncaring is so ridicoulously chic. please, continue on.

Anonymous said...

I never understood your dislike towards Carine Roitfeld. I happen to think she's quite the eclectic. Not to mention her fab eyebrows and 'ooh la la' all round tan. I can feel Anna's jealousy rise as I type this. There there, Anna, you'll always be the HBIC (head betch in charge).

Love you, mean it,

Karl Lagerfeld said...

Well Anon, it harkens back to a certain time at a certain bar where Carine said a certain thing, hmm?

Anonymous said...

Oh Karl, don't be insulted by whatever comment she told you. I'm sure she was trying to be nice. She's jealous. JEALOUS of your splendid, perfect texturized skin. Have you seen her from up-close Karl? Oh myyyy! My my myyy! Aren't the french aware of a product called sunscreen? She is in serious need of a face peel asap!


Anonymous said...

"Carine thought she was better than these ladies who actually ate food anyway" terrible liar ladies

Anonymous said...

Why Karl, WHY?

Karl Lagerfeld said...

#6, you should read the blog! I wrote about Mr. West below Bob Dylan's entry.

And T, I may do a post on Carine later. I'm sure she means well. I'm Karl, after all.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to it.

Oh and Karl? 75% of your readers are demode, so I've noticed. Your blog should only be read by elitists. *Stomach growls. Oh, that? Excuse that. Needs more Dom Pérignon.


Arbogast said...

Carine is a woman?

I thought it was a man in drag, at the very least a man who got amnesia after slipping in his bathroom who awoke, and his feminine (I use the word lightly) persona took over.

Is that it Karl? Did 'it' make a pass at you, forgetting 'it' was a "woman"? Is that the incident at the bar, Karl?

My god, if that made a pass at me, even in a dim light, I'd be offended...probably a little bit frightened too!

Jeunesse said...

This is GOLD, Uncle Karl!

Oh Carine, if only you weren't a manly demode posing as fashion/chic...

K said...

that was FUNNY! you capture the RIDICULOUS (i.e. Carine) marvelously...

Pixienish said...


Anonymous said...

一夜情聊天室,一夜情,情色聊天室,情色,美女交友,交友,AIO交友愛情館,AIO,成人交友,愛情公寓,做愛影片,做愛,性愛,微風成人區,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人影片,成人,成人貼圖,18成人,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人影城,成人小說,成人文章,成人網站,成人論壇,情色貼圖,色情貼圖,色情A片,A片,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,寄情築園小遊戲, 情色A片,色情影片,AV女優,AV,A漫,免費A片,A片下載