Saturday, December 20, 2008

Night, II

I sit out here, and I am waiting for something. I can feel it. The wind whips my face, and the newspaper I was carrying is starting to get hit by drops of rain. Yet I still sit here, undaunted. I'm waiting for someone, I believe.

Rei: Oh, silly man. Who are you waiting for?

I have no idea, I tell her. But I know that I have to wait. Desire pangs my heart like the way an old truck feels being left at the junkyard; the junkheap. Left on the junkheap in search of another cup of Coffee.

Rei: Really now.

To be honest, I'm just sitting here because I have nowhere else to go. In this meta-universe, there is no houses, because houses are demode. Instead there's simply I on a bench, and Rei standing over there wi..

Rei: I can hear you, you know.
Colonel: Oh god, just stop it at once man! You're showing personal feelings! This isn't even funny! Who cares if you miss someone! I DO NOT. Now go write another book, there's a good fellow. Do you think anybody will care about your entry if you're all weepy like that? Where's the mention of fatties???
Audience member: Yes! Bring in the fatties! Bring in the fatties!

I tell him I have no idea what he's on about. What does he mean by "entry"? What does he mean by fatties? Japanese Women do not get fat. It's a fact. It's the title of a book. So it's fact.

Audience members: FATTIE RUMBLE! FATTIE RUMBLE! FATTIE RUMBLE!!

I see large, fat people come in. They have fat and grease dripping from their flesh, and in their hands are whole chickens, who have been deep fried.

Karl: STOP THIS AT ONCE!
Rei: Karl?!
Audience members: Karl!!!! [swoon]
Karl: This is getting to be like some vulgar American reality show. It is vulgar! It is vulgar!
Audience member 1: She started it!
Audience member 2: No, SHE started it!
Audience member 3: He started it! Him! Over there! The fellow dressed like a bat!

INTERMISSION WHILST YOHJI RUNS AWAY. PLEASE DANCE LIKE A BAT.





Prince - Batdance

A man dressed all in black, flapping his arms and shouting in Japanese, runs his way past the audience and out into a bat shaped plane. As Prince plays, the audience grooves along to the music.

INTERMISSION OVER. PLEASE FINISH YOUR GROOVE.

Audience member 1: He's gone!
Audience member 2: Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Audience member 4: It's a plane.
Audience member 2: Oh.

Unspecified Villian: That darn Yohji. If it wasn't for you crazy kids...
Audience member 5: Excuse me, we are fashionistas.
Audience member 6: Excuse me, I am also a brain surgeon/photographer/creative director/designer/bongo player AND a fashion de-zine-er.
Audience member 7: Well excuse me! But I'm an Artiste/ipod nanny/computer designer/composer/coffee maker/song-and-dance man AND a wanker!
Audience member 8: Well I'm a bitch!
[audience gasp]

I sigh, walking off into the sunset. Heart burnin', still yearin'. How am I meant to be melodramatic and emotional when all this is around me?

Rei: You can't. Just, don't worry about it. You're wonderful anyway.

Yeah, I'm wonderful anyway. I'm a wonderful person! I AM A WON-DER-FUL PERSON.

Anna: Thahhst's the spirrrt. Youuu wannt a drinwnkkk??

3 comments:

Jeunesse said...

Uncle Karl, when will you have this literary masterpiece published? Please don't keep us waiting...

*We want more!*

Sammy said...

beautifully written

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