Coco and Models

I've said it before and I've said it again: models should keep their mouths shut. Do you notice that Brad does not blog here, even though he is a wonderful underwear model, hmm? If I had a blog when I was in the 90's Claudia would not blog there, either. So I was horrified to find that dear Coco Rocha has a blog. I'll tell you, I nearly had an heart attack but then I realized that I don't have a heart. I'm heartless! My heart froze over and fell out, and I stamped a Chanel logo on it and put it in a case for safekeeping; and one day I'll auction it at the Evil Queen in Snow White's yearly charity auction.

Remember what happened to Kate Moss? Kate who, you say? It doesn't matter now, anyway. She's in the past. She was a famous model or something. She bores me. It's not hard to be a model anyway; you just need to have confidence, hmm? And not be fat. Or ugly. And have sex with the photographer if he's not gay afterwards. Not too hard, ja? Fitting into the standards of beauty dictated by the fashion industry (that's me! It makes me feel powerful, hm? I can make jeans so skinny that even paper dolls find it hard to fit into them) is a must. You know, Anorexia is an overrated lifestyle ("Did he just say that?" "Ya-huh he did!"). Genetics are better. We do not like the boobs; so be as flat as Aggy's singing ability and you're almost on your way to being a model. Being white is pretty important: Italian Vogue did an all-black issue and that's very chic, hmm? And I tend to use models of all colours- black, purple, white, beige (actually, not beige. Armani tends to hire all the beige models), brown, pink, green (not too many green models in recent years, it's generally a sign that they're about to throw up); fuchsia, violet (really, only one violet back a while ago; we had a girl who was swollen like a blueberry and we rolled her down the runway-- then we popped her at the end, and she was very very thin- though not thin enough to fit into the new model of Le Skinny jeans that we're currently making. Even I have trouble getting them. Well not really, but I wanted to try and sound vaugely humble there. Humble isn't my strong suit, hmm? My strong suit's Tom Ford).