Friday, December 12, 2008

Interview with Tavi

Well, as many of you know I'm Tavi's uncle. Tavi is a blogger whose blog is here. Maybe you have heard of it, hmm? This means that Tavi is Jane's...cousin. How dandy! How down how dandy, yall! I don't think that sounded right. A thick Franco-Germanic accent like mine speaking like a Texan? Doesn't work. I mean, if you can, speak that sentence in my accent. It doesn't work, hmm? But then again I'm the only person in the world who can use hmm? without sounding like a pretentious twat. So we shall leave Texan to Jane, hmmm? (And speaking of you Jane, you should turn up at my mansion more often, hmm? You're the only one who knows how to sort out my.....medication....yes, that's it....medication. Plus Anna likes you.) And I will continue speaking in my accent so I could possibly mean the something else, so the listener is hopelessly confused. Anyway. I interviewed Tavi with Rei.

Are you scared of the demode people at thrift stores? Do you have some sort of germ spray to protect yourself from them, hm? Do you wear a Darth-Vader-esque protective mask?
No, I used to go to thrift stores a lot with my mom when I was little because she's always been obsessed with bargains (something I'm afraid you may find demode) so I've never really been a germophobe about it. Perhaps I'll incorporate a Darth Vader mask into tomorrow morning's outfit though, hmmm?

What is it like to be the pseudo-child of Rei Kawakubo? I quite enjoy my imaginary relationship with Rei, though I think if she ever really met me she would get her polka dotted henchmen to stomp on me because I am too stalkerly. In my mind we have lots of fun together though, making Vans look less ugly than they do on the feet of hipsters and cutting our hair similarly. She resebles Edna Mode, and I have always loved The Incredibles.

What are the normal sort of things a Space Cowboy (such as yourself) does? The obvious. Read Agatha Christie, listen to the Space Cowboy anthem by N'Sync, wear silver metallic jackets from The Children's Place, hang upside down in closets (as you do) and watch really sucky movies.

Questions from Rei:
Hello! You are my stalker, yes? Do you like polka dots? I like polka dots. Sometimes I dream about polka dots. Oh, this was meant to be a question. Well. Could you write me a stalker letter for Karl to publish? Make sure it involves polka dots.
Hi Rei! I have never been very keen on polka dots but once I saw how you use them I fell in love, duh. My whole blog is practically a stalker love letter for you, but I'll write one anyways.
Dear Rei,
I love you, and I have always loved you, even before I even knew you. Even before you even knew you. Even before you were born. Wait, you're a god, so you've been around forever, haven't you? Anyways, I stalk you. I'm behind you right now, actually, so feel free to take a break from designing your next epic collection and get one of your henchmen to gently turn your head so you can see. Hi! Hi Rei! You should also sleep with one eye open tonight because I plan on stealing your brain and having it transplanted into my head. Then you will have the brain of an annoying 12 year old and will run around talking about how much you love Rei Kawakubo.

p.s. I'm outside your window.

Could you please tell me about your closet? Karl tells me that you hang upside down in there, like he does.
It is falling apart and has a crawlspace. I have some type of pocket-like contraption which I stuff with accessories and tights and scarves hanging on the door, then I have a shelf where I put foldable stuff. The more holy items go on coathangers on a rack.The two jackets I got from your H&M collection are in a bag in my room next to my bedside. I sleep with them at night. Then I wake up and dance with them. Then I hang upside down in my closet and Karl and I talk via radio.

More questions from Karl:
I hear you have special levitating powers. How do you keep this secret from the world? And how far can you levitate? I guess it's no longer a secret now that you, Karl, are revealing it? I can levitate somewhat high, though not much higher than a basketball player. My levitation talents are of great use when my short height becomes an issue.

Last night, I was hanging upside down in my closet and I felt a transmission, from you, hanging upside down in your closet. But I could not receive it, for some reason. Could you tell me what it was? I was sending you a transmission interrogating you about how much you ate yesterday. I know what you're like when you're guilty, Karl. What was it, hmmm? A pizza crumb? A bite of a potato chip? A gummi worm? It's ok, you can vent.


Anonymous said...

brilliant !

Sarah said...

LOL! This is hilarious! I Love Tavi and her amazing Blog! I also love you and your blog Karl!

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