King Karl

Has anybody noticed that Anna's magazine isn't...um...that good?
I haven't read it since That Maven edited it, but I picked up a copy of it yesterday as I was walking to my secret closest hideout.
It....doesn't have anything in it, hmm? Maybe it was a dud. Yes, that's it. It's a dud Vogue from my enemies- the evil assistant designers at Valentino who've been promoted to be the lead designers for actual clothes. Yes, I know what you look like..don't think I didn't see you....you were disguised as a wall. Karl sees everything.

And then I stalked that wall all the way back to where it was, where I realized walls didn't move. Then I thought: I might be in a dream. But there was now plastic Andre Leon Talley's so I thought I was safe. Then some sicko- some crazy- comes up to me and wants my autograph.

"MY AUTOGRAPH?!"
"Yesir, you're Karl Lagerfeld, the famous designer?"
"CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THE WALL IS STALKING ME!"
"Aha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Very funny Mr. Lagerfeld."
"Listen: if you see or hear of any plastic figurines, I want you to use a telephone"
"A telephone?"
"Yes, hmm? A telephone. Grab the apparatus and call the telephone people at once"
"...Ok"
"This is a little too surreal now, hmm? Gosh, just go buy the new totes. Queen Vivianne and King Karl."
"That sounds like a plug sir"
"It is"
"Ohh! Shameless!"
"Totally"
"By the way.."
"Here's your autograph"
"Thankyou"
"Don't lick the phone, and dirty jokes only after 8 PM"
"I heard you tell one before..."
"Are you Karl Lagerfeld?"
"Nosir"