Saturday, October 18, 2008

Chanel Jacket

I asked an assistant to transcribe the following conversation:
Karl: "Hello dear Chanel jacket, it is I, Karl. Do you remember me?"
Chanel jacket: "..."
Karl: "Oh yes, don't you like it when I run my fingers down your fabric like this?"
"Mm, and when I place my teeth that haven't seen food in over 20 years onto your collar. Your oh-so-delicate collar that I designed myself"
"Coco only did the armholes, hmm? Anyway...she's gone now."
"And then I'll rip apart your well sewn fabric and ravish you."
"Listen. I have a great idea. A genius idea. As typical of a genius such as I. Can't you tell? I have a pulled back pony-tail. That's genius, no?"
"What I'm going to do is make Kurt Cobain the new face of Chanel."
"Yes, I know he's dead. So is Yves!"
Yves: "Karl?? Is that you?"
Karl: "Oh...Hi....hello.....dear Yves. How are things, hmm? I'm just discussing expressionist German cinema."
Yves: "You were seducing the jacket again."
Karl: "..."
Yves: "You know, this pretending-to-be-dead-thing isn't so great. I'm not invited to many parties anymore."
Karl: "You never went to parties anyway."
Yves: "But it was nice to get the invite which I could decline: "Monsieur Saint Laurent regrets to decline your invitation."
Karl: I just turn up and they act like they invited me: "Ohhh! Hello Karl darhling! How are you? Can we get you a diet coke? We just adored your last collection....which one? Why, the one you did in Paris....Which one in Paris?...[awkward silence]......aren't they all fabulous!"


Anonymous said...

Karl, just because you purge and empty your stomach does not mean you have not eaten food in over 20 years.

You were fat in the new millenium, remember. Really fat. The Chanel jacket may be boxy, but it is not THAT boxy.

Karl Lagerfeld said...

We shall not speak of such things, hmmmm?