I asked an assistant to transcribe the following conversation:
Karl: "Hello dear Chanel jacket, it is I, Karl. Do you remember me?"
Chanel jacket: "..."
Karl: "Oh yes, don't you like it when I run my fingers down your fabric like this?"
"Mm, and when I place my teeth that haven't seen food in over 20 years onto your collar. Your oh-so-delicate collar that I designed myself"
"Coco only did the armholes, hmm? Anyway...she's gone now."
"And then I'll rip apart your well sewn fabric and ravish you."
"Listen. I have a great idea. A genius idea. As typical of a genius such as I. Can't you tell? I have a pulled back pony-tail. That's genius, no?"
"What I'm going to do is make Kurt Cobain the new face of Chanel."
"Yes, I know he's dead. So is Yves!"
Yves: "Karl?? Is that you?"
Karl: "Oh...Hi....hello.....dear Yves. How are things, hmm? I'm just discussing expressionist German cinema."
Yves: "You were seducing the jacket again."
Yves: "You know, this pretending-to-be-dead-thing isn't so great. I'm not invited to many parties anymore."
Karl: "You never went to parties anyway."
Yves: "But it was nice to get the invite which I could decline: "Monsieur Saint Laurent regrets to decline your invitation."
Karl: I just turn up and they act like they invited me: "Ohhh! Hello Karl darhling! How are you? Can we get you a diet coke? We just adored your last collection....which one? Why, the one you did in Paris....Which one in Paris?...[awkward silence]......aren't they all fabulous!"