Monday, July 7, 2008

Vidal (not the hairdresser) Writes

"Due to some insidious spam I received at the hands of
your legal department, I was cunningly led to your
blog, in which you shamelessly make dearest Anna and
Yves seem so bourgeoise.

Don't you know by now? It is Spring 2009, keep up

False representation is demode.
Courier font is extremely demode, but cannot be
Patent leather is demode.

Oh, the sins! Let me cry into my Versace tablecloth
and then proceed to wipe my ass with such
Africa-quality fabric. How that walking heap of
silicon ever rose to the status she holds today is
beyond me.

Have your Legal send me a link to your newest post. I
look forward - in an oddly perverse way - to seeing
how you shall respond to such madness."- Vidal Wu

Kitty-Kelly-Kaboose-Kalvin-Kabitha-Kabitha the Foruth, my director of emails, showed me this email. I would like to deny all allegations of my demode-ness. This Vidal person is demode. I bet they can't even afford the cheapest Chanel tablecloth, which I am writing this letter on right now. He(?) has to buy a Versace tablecloth. I didn't even know Versace still existed. What a farce the Italian designers are: one sprayed to the bone with fake tan, the other filled up with some sort of plastic. Is it like Lego plastic?
Now I like Anna a lot. And Yves! I bet this Vidal "Not the hairdresser" Wu works for Louis Vuitton. Or one of the other companies (I won't call them "houses") who have been trying to steal my designs.

To show you just how demode this Vidal person is, I didn't even print out his email on Chanel paper. No, I printed it out on this weird stuff that's really thin and is called "Computer Paper". I don't even think "Computer Paper" is a fashion house!

So let uncle Karl give you some advice, Dear but Demode reader Vidal: go into the nearest Chanel store, and just sit on the floor and breath. That's it. Absorb all the Chanel goodness that is present in the air. Just breath it in. Doesn't that feel better? Now that'll be $2000. And why don't you buy a t-shirt whilst you're at it.

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