Sunday, July 27, 2008

Diet Coke is Such Fun

Hello Children!

I think Anna spiked my Diet Coke, because I do not feel the same. There's a tingling in Uncle Karl's pants and I feel the urge to dance. All the lights, the lights are so pretty, aren't they, children?

When I was just a little boy I used to sit at home with my 6 bikes and look at them and say to them: "You bikes, you are so lucky to have me as your owner! Do you know who I am? Why, I'm Uncle Karl Lagerfeld" even though I was only six.
Because children, I am a pretty important guy. I design clothes, and I bet you're wearing clothes, hmmm? Unless you are a nudist, or are naked. I am never naked. I shower in my suit. I bathe in my suit. Nobody sees me naked because I am Karl. (Everybody's seen Yves naked, hmm? What a whore).
No, all you see is me in my suit and ponytail and sunglasses. How dignified. Tres chic, no?

Some person had the guts to say to me "you know, Yves is dead, Karl". They are obviously not in the loop. Am I dead? Are you, my dear reader, dead? I hope not, because being dead is demode.

Oh yes, demode: It seems to have become the word to say around the fashion people. They say "oh, this is demode. oh, you are demode. oh, these clothes are demode. this tampon is demode".
Do any of them know what it means? For them it is another trend to buy into, like leggings and little plastic Prada sacks. Chanel really should manufacture some sacks. We could give them to homeless people, so when the Prada women comes a-knockin' to steal the homeless people's possessions, she sees the Chanel logo staring right at her face.

Actually, I have a right mind to ambush the Prada women and spraypaint her or something. Can you get edible spraypaint yet? Think of the calories one could induce on someone!

You models still aren't the right weight. Very disappointing. It is not hard. There is a book, called "The Karl Lagerfeld diet". Please buy it, and read it. Not eating is not hard. Just drink Diet Coke. Here, have some of mine you wretched girls. How do you live with yourselves, at the wrong weight??? Isn't it so demode?
(No question mark there. It is.)

These designers using- let's be frank- fat people- are just attention whores, hmmm? They're laughing at the fat people behind their backs. "hahahhaa, you demode fat people!"

Gosh, so many designers are so bad. At least Martin Margiela- at least he has class. There's few honourable people in fashion anymore, and I'm one of the last:
KARL LAGERFELD: the last gentleman of fashion.

Now Brad, I need to attend to him. I need to take photos of him.


hayleeey said...

Are you willing to adopt Uncle Karl? Or hire a drink watcher at least?

Anonymous said...

Karl you unforgivable whore, I might be a former 3rd world despot but I've still got billions to spend. Now remember how close we were during the 80's? You'd listen to me sing and watch my home movies and I'd try and not be repulsed by your weight. Fun times. Then we'd drink diet coke and laugh at the poor.

Anonymous said...

dude whats with the look...and where has your neck gone?

Yury Smirnov said...

Hey ! Wh drink Cola Light Now! It's so Past! It's loaded with chemicals and carcinogens, Aspartame is the worse. Multiple studies have already proven that in the long term people who drink more drinks with chemical sweeteners gain even more weight than those who drink regular drinks(with sugar). There are safe sweet calories free drinks out there , check in your health food store. There are also drinks should be coming soon from Pepsi and Coca-Cola with natural "0 calories" sweetener extracted from a plant called Stevia. You can already find sweeteners based on this plant in healthfood stores. Those healthy alternatives are trendy drinks of future and those aspartame based like Coca light are old fashioned drinks and they are definitely not "IN", no-no-no......!!!!!!!

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