Thursday, July 17, 2008

Rachel Zoe


I am going to be honest here: I did not know who Rachel Zoe is until I she started ringing me a month ago.
Stalker.

Example of messages:
"Hiii Karl. Just wondering if you want to have lunnnch today? Call me"
"Karl, Karl hun, I'm doing this this thing at Halston. Um, you wanna meeet up??"
"Karl. I love you. I just needed to say that. And that we should do a TV show together"
"Karl, I really do love you. Every night I bow down to you"
"Karl, are you a good kisser??"
"I know you want me as much as I want you- Karl baby"
"TV show? You never emailed me back? Love you ex-oh-ex-oh"
(Singing. Badly)"I---I loveeeeee yooouuu Karllll!"

And then it got worse last week when she found my apartment in New York and started tapping on the windows. Like, a quick tap and then she darts away. Her eyes, hmmm? Her eyes. They're like that of a model after I tell her she is not the right weight. They're wide open, like I poured coffee right into her eyes and bloodshot and just "rwwwaarrrr". Like animals.

Last night she threw a rock through my window. Where's Hedi? Where's my assistants!

Doesn't she know that rocks are so demode? She can have a free Chanel pin (even better than the safety pin, hmmmmmm?) if she goes away.
Doesn't she have any people? Can't they- go put her in a wardrobe somewhere?

I'm gay Rachel. And I don't like you anyway. I only go out with fashion people, hmmm?

Caption for picture: "Oooooh! I'm such a hippy! Ooh. And a freaky stalker. And I'm so demode"

3 comments:

h. lucille said...

1st, I wanna say this is my new favorite website!!! and i agree Rachel Zoe is very demode. When I think of her, I think of UGG boots, mini skirts and cocaine-on a hot ass 100 degree day on Rodeo Drive!

John Galliano said...

I totally agree, she's been trying to figure out who does my ridiculously pretentious french mustache for like forever, and how to score front row tickets to my couture shows (hint: rhymes with 'glow bob'). Anyway, I just can't seem to get along with people with more wrinkles than my shar-pei (or my nutsack for that matter).

Anne Slowey said...

But...Rachel is a super person with a kind heart. Sure she needs some work with her styling but deep inside she really is just a lonely girl.