Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's, a guide

Today, in some parts of the world, it is Valentine's day. I've never fully understood this "Valentine's day" thing; but I gather it involves giving heart shaped objects to other people. Sometimes, the heart shaped object is chocolate- something, as I'm sure you'll remember, that has calories! So though the years I've decided that you creatures have an obsession with heart-shapes, and on this so-called "Valentine's day" you display this obsession by giving hearts to other people. Kind of like how the ancient Egyptians thought the heart was the center of the body, no? So this "Valentine's day" is some sort of religious holiday, I suppose. For which religion, though? I was talking this through with Anna- she's sure it's not "Christianity", because they like their Chocolate in egg-form. We went through several other religions (it's obviously not part of the religion of Chanel, hmm?) and we landed at "Consumerism". We decided that it's the "Consumerists" that celebrate "Valentine's day", and then Anna got drunk some more (Anna is never, ever completely sober.)

We went out to the church of "Consumerism"; otherwise known as "The Mall". There we sat on seats and laughed mirthlessly at these horrible people holding hands and such. Some were even kissing! They.....were....they were touching each other. My Chanel, it was not a pleasant scene. What had these people done to deserve this? Why were they assaulting each other?
"Mmm, I LOVE you too" said one person; who probably was over 50 kgs (50 kgs!) or something. I recoiled in horror.
Another person said back to this other person: "I LOVVE you too, darling". Anna threw up. What is it with these people and their display of emotions?

I don't understand Valentine's day; even though several females are my Valentine's this year. But for Coco's sake, don't try and kiss me!


Nana said...

I couldn't agree more, Karl - but don't forget that Valentine's day does belong to the religion of Chanel when instead of chocolate, smart boyfriends give their dates Chanel bags, hmm? But those are only really smart valentines. And it's such a paradox - why would anyone give people chocolate? It makes us fat - I'd much rather get heart shaped children's souls instead of chocolates (with my Chanel, of course). But I told my sex slave he didn't have to give me anything, what we share is already enough.

Emy. said...

Church of consumerism, haha, CLASSIC!

wecouldgrowup2gether said...

keep evangelizing, loves it