I'm So Free

Hey man! How do you feel about that exclamation mark? Does it excite you cats? Man, it sure excites me when I see an exclamation mark just prodding itself outta oblivion like that, like Ma Rainey or something. Risin' from the ashes like some one-eyed phoenix, in this age of Charles Atlas and swine flu. Man, I've been away a lot; travelin' the road, playin' shows, diggin' chicks. I dig chicks a lot man! Who doesn't? I dig chicks so much I dug myself a hole, and I jus' didn't know how to get outta it for a while there! I was trapped. But man, I built myself a sorta ladder to get outta that hole. All you cats with holes dug by chicks should do the same! 'Cause man, I ain't doin' it for ya. I can't do it for you, even if I wanted to. Those are ladders and stairways, snakes and ladders, that only you can make, and dice only you can roll. I was with this one chick, and she was makin' me an old man and I ain't even 25! But she had the sweetest little pussy. With proper protection that is! But I ended off taking my protective gloves one day, and man- I fell into some hole. I got dragged down by demons and dogs and devils and dentists. Dentists- dentists are the worse. They'll grab you with their sterilized hands and put you to sleep you with their needles and their bows. I don't dig dentists.

So who have I been diggin' lately? I dunno, you're all so flattering and fake, you chicks and cats. How am I meant to lay an egg with you all lookin' 'round? You used to be cool, man. You used to make me laugh. But now you're like- you're like a shadow. Actually you were never cool, with you comments on this blog. "Oh I love you Karl!" you say, whilst piping everyone your blog address. Who gives a monkey's ass what you think? Oh, do you think I care what you think? Oh man, what are you even doing here? I don't even care that you're reading this. You- you're just all shadows man! I've been diggin' my new chick, that's what. I've got multiple new chicks! Monogamy is old. It's for squares. I ain't a square. I ain't even a triangle. Man, what sort of person digs triangles? A hipster, that's who.

I'm free. None of you know what it's like to be free! In your square, four-by-four lives, with only one girlfriend or boyfriend, with your "no drugs" rules. It's medicine man. And your colleges. Only old people go to colleges! I'll tell you...by the time you're in college you'll be in a retirement home. Man, I'm so free that I have twenty six chicks in my attic. I dig it.