Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'm So Free

Hey man! How do you feel about that exclamation mark? Does it excite you cats? Man, it sure excites me when I see an exclamation mark just prodding itself outta oblivion like that, like Ma Rainey or something. Risin' from the ashes like some one-eyed phoenix, in this age of Charles Atlas and swine flu. Man, I've been away a lot; travelin' the road, playin' shows, diggin' chicks. I dig chicks a lot man! Who doesn't? I dig chicks so much I dug myself a hole, and I jus' didn't know how to get outta it for a while there! I was trapped. But man, I built myself a sorta ladder to get outta that hole. All you cats with holes dug by chicks should do the same! 'Cause man, I ain't doin' it for ya. I can't do it for you, even if I wanted to. Those are ladders and stairways, snakes and ladders, that only you can make, and dice only you can roll. I was with this one chick, and she was makin' me an old man and I ain't even 25! But she had the sweetest little pussy. With proper protection that is! But I ended off taking my protective gloves one day, and man- I fell into some hole. I got dragged down by demons and dogs and devils and dentists. Dentists- dentists are the worse. They'll grab you with their sterilized hands and put you to sleep you with their needles and their bows. I don't dig dentists.

So who have I been diggin' lately? I dunno, you're all so flattering and fake, you chicks and cats. How am I meant to lay an egg with you all lookin' 'round? You used to be cool, man. You used to make me laugh. But now you're like- you're like a shadow. Actually you were never cool, with you comments on this blog. "Oh I love you Karl!" you say, whilst piping everyone your blog address. Who gives a monkey's ass what you think? Oh, do you think I care what you think? Oh man, what are you even doing here? I don't even care that you're reading this. You- you're just all shadows man! I've been diggin' my new chick, that's what. I've got multiple new chicks! Monogamy is old. It's for squares. I ain't a square. I ain't even a triangle. Man, what sort of person digs triangles? A hipster, that's who.

I'm free. None of you know what it's like to be free! In your square, four-by-four lives, with only one girlfriend or boyfriend, with your "no drugs" rules. It's medicine man. And your colleges. Only old people go to colleges! I'll tell you...by the time you're in college you'll be in a retirement home. Man, I'm so free that I have twenty six chicks in my attic. I dig it.

10 comments:

Agnes said...

Hi Karl (if it is Karl, you can never be sure about that kind of stuffs.). I have to say that I like the link that says "0 comments". It's cool. You're probably not even going to read this but I have to say that your blog is pretty nice. I have to say (to) that I have no idea of who you are. Or you know, I've heard your name and I know you works with fashion, but you are the strangest person I've ever.. I can't write met but I hope you understand. That's a good thing. I think.

Bye (I'm sorry, I know my English is really bad, I'm from Sweden)
/Agnes

Anonymous said...

ok can i just say after reading those last two posts that YOU ARE THE MOST FUCKING CREEPY PERSON I KNOW. love & air kisses, YOU KNOW WHO I AM

R said...

You are a comedy genius. Well done :) You should write a book. xR

Anonymous said...

Has someone hacked you?... This does not sound like you!

Jackson 5 said...

how vile.

Anonymous said...

OMG I THINK SOMEBODY JUST HACKED UNCLE KARL!:|
This aint him y'all! When i was reading those posts i was like :/ HUHH, what is this?

And that poem about Rei kawakubo, i think he already posted something like that a time ago. ANYWAYS, we miss the kaiser!

Xo B.

Ronald E. said...

Hey man! I tink it is time you bein' cool. I am the Shadow. I know what shadows know, I go where shadows go. I'm in with shadows. You ain't bein' careful wit' yo' language about me you may be shadowless and you know what that mseans- don't turn yo' back on no dude with wooden stakes in his hand. Could be more serious than you like it. Could be bad.

Thanks for the tips on women man. I was havin' a hard time before I got your advice. HARD time, get it? Now everything is gone flaccid because of you. Who messes with chicks wears gloves, anyway? What's witchoo? You been on that bus a day or two too long. What? Thirty years now? Get out and hitchhike see what happens. Might miss a gig or two when rides aren't plentiful but what's one gig or two out a hundred?

Carry your guitar in your left hand, thumb out with the right. People dig hitchhikers with guitar cases. When they ast you what's in the case till 'em Lunch. Want some?

Dig it man, you're only as free as you feel.

Texas Slim Brady (unhonorary)

Tavi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tavi said...

Hey, could it be slightly possible that the writer can do characters other than Karl? I mean geez, their own writing voice certainly is different from Karl's. I myself am glad their voice isn't "hey ya'll!! OMG huh what is this"

Anonymous said...

Tavi u are Fugly!=)

B.