Monday, May 4, 2009

Karl Lagerfeld: The Twitter Interview

fashionpirate@fakekarl i give the best advice, don't I, Uncle? Yes, yes I do. You should get Rei to send me dresses as a reward

Yes niece, you do. Your advice is as delightful as a summer's day, in which I throw things at the fatties, watching in amused yet icy silence as the things I throw dissolve into the fattie's fat. I will speak to Rei, hm? Only because I l- lo-. Well. Anyway.

latto@fakekarl Have you still got your hundreds of 1st generation iPods? If not, which do you own now & how many?

Yes. I also throw them at fatties. I have about 5687 ipods. Which you'll note, is the amount of protest singers around today.

lurex@fakekarl when you will do a new hair cut?
Never. When are you getting a new hair cut? You see, my hair is very long so my brain can function better. Otherwise it grows inwards and clogs up the brain.

teenfashionista@fakekarl What's your favorite way to spend a lovely Saturday afternoon?

Anna is generally hungover from the last night, so I take her to the hospital and they pump her stomach out. This is a weekly occurance. At least. Then she gets drunk again. Repeat process. It'll be worse at the Met Ball, much worse. She used to never drink at those things, but with that Donatella person....oh dear. Here's some dandruff-free advice: don't get drunk with Donatella Versace. Ever.

annabananafish@fakekarl if you could be any dinosaur, what dinosaur would you be and why?? (and don't just answer with "none, dinosaurs are demode")

I tried to find a dinosaur which does not eat. I ended up finding the Weimarosaurus, which you probably will not have heard of. It died at as soon as it evolved, as it refused to eat. But at least it was very chic for the 5 minutes in total that it existed, hm?

queengilda@fakekarl so how many collars do u own and can I get some? :)

78,089,986. If you go outside my Parisian apartment, and if you fight with the Le Skinny Jeans mafia that patrols outside it, you may be able to get some old collars of mine that I throw out the window of the lady who lives above me. Her name is Esme.

jmcleod@fakekarl Might you suggest a reading list or a sequence of events for a young person wanting to become a superlative designer?

And what exactly is a superlative designer? How about a "young person"? It took me a lot of time to get young! I can suggest reading a lot of Nabokov though. And Murakami. Nabokov and Murakami, and maybe a little Pynchon on the side- as for poetry; Dylan Thomas and T.S Eliot. Do not fight in the captain's tower. And don't study fashion at college; it seems to me that the vomit-rate induced by college fashion designs is actually higher than vomiting produced by alcohol consumption at college. Something's wrong if this is the case, no?

Coco_5@fakekarl. Est-ce que vous aller faire une autre collection en partenariat avec H&M?


idratherbuyshoe@fakekarl how does a lover of fashion, not working in the fashion industry, get tickets to a Chanel/KarlL show?

You purchase them at the ticket office, like everybody else.

lookcloserblog@fakekarl what do you wear to bed?

Exactly what I wear during the day. I'm like the super-man you Americans have; I must be ready all the time, every time! There are no excuses for being late to a tea party. Fashionably late is the domain of teenage girls and their proms.


See the note above. (But please dear, save the hysterics for the bedroom, hmmm?)

lucasvarga@fakekarl I think your comment about old people is so stupid.

I think you are incredibly demode. I am nearing 250 and you don't see me in a "home", hmm? That is because home is where the heart is, and I have no heart! I'm incredibly confused to why you think I care about what you think. The good thing about bars is the the barman pretends to care about what you have to say; I suggest using one.

glamour_puss@fakekarl thank you for validating my existence.

You're welcome. Welcome to the world, Descartes II!

latto@fakekarl You promised to answer us on your blog Haven't seen anything about your famous collection of iPods 1G That's not right...

Oh dear, you'd better write a protest song about it. "Lord have pity because Karl didn't answer my question soon enough."


I don't believe you.

sweetarchivia@fakekarl What do you think of shows like America's Next Top Model? Do you think these girls could walk your Chanel runway?

Tyra Banks was once a decent model, before she cheapened herself with that show. It's a terrible show; like the cheese in a McDonald's burger. If you want to be a model, don't go on America's Next Top Model. You'd be better off making sexual advances at me, and I'm asexual. Have we seen an artist emerge from American Idol? Non. And I don't think we're likely to see a model emerge from a reality-show-for-the-plebes anytime soon, either.

CommeTuMeVeux@fakekarl Are grey t-shirts demode? Besides Diet Coke, which other beverage is okay to indulge on?

They probably are. I wouldn't know, because I have never worn a t-shirt in a day on my life. What is wearing a "tee-shirt" like?
Champagne is okay to indulge in if you're Anna. Otherwise, water. It's good enough for the dolphins.

aydapadi@fakekarl Hi babe.

I'm asexual you know!

4 comments: said...

Had I known, I would have sent my twitter wearing skinny jeans to coddle your attention. When, o when, is Part Deux?

Kari said...

Can you post some pictures?? For instance when you do something personally.

Dar said...

One should always tweet in shredded tweed and denim, or perhaps in a couture gown. yes mhmmm?

Laura Pulgarin said...

i love the honesty