Karl, stop confusing the interns.

Karl totally bewildered all of my interns.

I sent one to get me coffee and she came back with a piece of chiffon and a homeless person.  And she was muttering in German.

I really need to get him out of the Closet.  He's been sitting back there all day, drawing all over last season's Galliano with a permanent marker.  He says he's 'editing.'

Yesterday's Calvin Klein model fiasco is still apparent.  His name is Garrett.  And when he walked in to the venerable offices of Vogue, it was utter chaos.  All work halted immediately.  Every woman and gay man (which is basically the entire office) had thought of creative reasons to be in his presence.  One of the male fashion editors even tried to do an inseam measurement 'to double-check for the next editorial spread.'  I had interns falling out of bathroom stalls, hiding under desks...  it was ridiculous.

But the piece de resistance was Karl's reaction:

"Hello Garrett.  I am obviously Karl, hmm?  Now take off your clothes."

Pencils and John

Hello Children!
It is Karl!

Today I rung up random people and shouted "CHANEL!!!" into the bit where you talk. Then I licked the bit where you talk forming the Chanel logo. Then I threw the telephone out of the window. THEN I got down to business:

This man:
Mr. Pencil-Stealer. Pencil Thief. My assistants captured him. He's in Anna's closet, locked up with that daughter of hers. Buzz. Queen. Bee- yes, that's it. Bee. I can't imagine that they're getting along too well, Anna says he pretends to be French these days. "Oh I amm zJohn zGalliano, yess". He designs for Dior or something. Dior is so out of date, so stuck in the 1950s. "KEEP THE WAIST IN! ZE WOMEN IS AN HOURGLASS." He forgot to mention that the customers of Dior are all over 50, hmm? For the couture, anyway. (Which I design- they're jokes I share with Rei. We send each other ridiculous designs and people like John pick up on them and steal them. This is the basis of most couture today, hmm?).

So after much interrogation "I do not have zis pencil you speak of", "what pencil??" "I do not speak zee English", we got the pencil back. In is now back in allied hands. The world can rest at peace again.

(And yes, astute readers. I have had my pencil taken away before-as you may notice if you read back far enough. The pencil is very important, hmm? Martin Margiela sells a replica of it for $5000, on demand only)

Has anybody seen this man?

Has anybody seen this men? He stole a pencil from me. I'd like it back. If you see him, please tackle him and find out the whereabouts of my pencil.
Just look at him.That unshaven face. The junk-store necklace. That greasy, freckled skin. Looks like a common criminal to me.