Cafe Wonderland and Forever 21

Today as I was sitting in the only cafe in Paris that does not serve food, a skirmish broke out between the two tables beside me. It was just me by myself; I like to be alone. It turned out that these people were arguing about stores such as "forever 21" (whoever'd want to be 21 forever is a mystery to me- it kind of reminds me of those people who have a mental age of 6 or 5 or whatever, even when they're 40. What do they call them? The handicapped, I believe)- they were arguing about stores such as this "21 forever" copying designer's designs. One girl- dressed all in black and carrying a black bracelet, was arguing that people who dislike clones of designs- inferior copies, are snobs. On the other side sat a few more people- a man in dark sunglasses and a dark green hat, a couple of girls- one wearing the most fascinating leggings. Of course they were arguing against this, saying it's simply a matter of protecting a designer's creations. I heard words like "artistic integrity" being thrown around (and out the window, I assume. I sometimes wonder how much money those cafes in the earlier half of the century here in Paris spent on window repairs, what with all the arguments and such.)

One can guess which side I was on, hmm? In fact- I wasn't on any side, until they got so loud that they infringed on the sonic-walls of my ipod earbuds. I stood up, and the room went silent- they all seemed to become very, very small before me. It was an Alice in Wonderland situation- I was a giant Alice- in skinny jeans. I said "How would you like it if people passed Beethoven's music as their own, hmm?"
The opposing side piped up; claiming that fashion and music are different- you're not selling music.
"I think you'd find that many people sell music" said I. "Have you heard of concert tickets?"
At this my crowd- by this point they are my crowd, cheered. It was a very hip cheer. Very angular. Very black and white. None of this yellow-fuzzy-cheering that most people partake in these days.

I get very, very, very annoyed at these hipsters who claim that a fashion designer does not have the same rights as an author or an artist. Black civil rights are so 20th century, hmm? It is now all about designer civil rights. We deserve the same rights as any other creator. Many of these hipsters say that the people who buy the "forever 21's" clothes wouldn't buy the original designs anyway. I don't care! Many people who liked "Eve of Destruction" don't like "A Hard Rain's a-gonna Fall, hm? Some people prefer the inferior product, yet it is my design that's being made inferior. A Karl Lagerfeld design can never be made inferior! It makes me vomit! It makes my entourage vomit! It makes the world vomit! How would...oh, let's pick on Picasso (I never liked him- his daughter is a delight, though.) How would Mr. Picasso feel if somebody came and spraypainted a work of his, and sold it as a Picasso? Knowing the egotistic bastard, he'd probably throw a tantrum.

Until the last piece of chiffon flies with pride, until designers walk down the street fingerless-glove-in-fingerless-glove with artists, and with the same rights as artists; until we can be free from this oppression from the no-good copycats, the uncreative who cannot design for themselves, the teenage whores the these forever-and-ever 21's who think fashion comes out of magazines. Until then, I, Karl Lagerfeld will tirelessly fight for the rights of designers the world over. Or at least myself.

Somebody tries to parody me

Somebody is making fun of me. Parodying me. Creating satire of me!
See here.
Disgusting.

Really, why does anybody want to satirize me? The website it is on...has all these ads on it. Ads are fine, but these are demode ads. There was a photo of an overweight model in a swimsuit for "American Apparel". Who is American Apparel and why do you hurt my eyes?
I do not speak like that, anyway, hmm? Goodness me, they portray me as...crazy. I am not crazy.

These....Fug people will be hearing from my lawyers.

But now I must tango.

Diet Coke is Such Fun

Hello Children!

I think Anna spiked my Diet Coke, because I do not feel the same. There's a tingling in Uncle Karl's pants and I feel the urge to dance. All the lights, the lights are so pretty, aren't they, children?

When I was just a little boy I used to sit at home with my 6 bikes and look at them and say to them: "You bikes, you are so lucky to have me as your owner! Do you know who I am? Why, I'm Uncle Karl Lagerfeld" even though I was only six.
Because children, I am a pretty important guy. I design clothes, and I bet you're wearing clothes, hmmm? Unless you are a nudist, or are naked. I am never naked. I shower in my suit. I bathe in my suit. Nobody sees me naked because I am Karl. (Everybody's seen Yves naked, hmm? What a whore).
No, all you see is me in my suit and ponytail and sunglasses. How dignified. Tres chic, no?

Some person had the guts to say to me "you know, Yves is dead, Karl". They are obviously not in the loop. Am I dead? Are you, my dear reader, dead? I hope not, because being dead is demode.

Oh yes, demode: It seems to have become the word to say around the fashion people. They say "oh, this is demode. oh, you are demode. oh, these clothes are demode. this tampon is demode".
Do any of them know what it means? For them it is another trend to buy into, like leggings and little plastic Prada sacks. Chanel really should manufacture some sacks. We could give them to homeless people, so when the Prada women comes a-knockin' to steal the homeless people's possessions, she sees the Chanel logo staring right at her face.

Actually, I have a right mind to ambush the Prada women and spraypaint her or something. Can you get edible spraypaint yet? Think of the calories one could induce on someone!

You models still aren't the right weight. Very disappointing. It is not hard. There is a book, called "The Karl Lagerfeld diet". Please buy it, and read it. Not eating is not hard. Just drink Diet Coke. Here, have some of mine you wretched girls. How do you live with yourselves, at the wrong weight??? Isn't it so demode?
(No question mark there. It is.)

These designers using- let's be frank- fat people- are just attention whores, hmmm? They're laughing at the fat people behind their backs. "hahahhaa, you demode fat people!"

Gosh, so many designers are so bad. At least Martin Margiela- at least he has class. There's few honourable people in fashion anymore, and I'm one of the last:
KARL LAGERFELD: the last gentleman of fashion.

Now Brad, I need to attend to him. I need to take photos of him.

The Hardships of Being a Designer

No contact what-so-ever from that artist girl who made the Louis Vuitton-Dafur picture. How rude, hmmm? Do you think it's because I'm a fashion designer?

It's hard being me sometimes, I know I look like I'm having an effortless life; but I have to deal with the prejudices against fashion designers that are in the world today.

This, this is as bad as when I when Ashley Olsen ignored me thinking I was just some crazy old man. She didn't know who Karl Lagerfeld is! It was at a dinner and I came up to her, made some witty banter- as I normally do. And she ignored me! She just- continued to talk to some person at her side.
I walked back to the table with Anna "mother knows best" Wintour and Heidi "I like cocaine but yeah no I've never tried it but I like it" Slimane and muttered in French for a while. Anna (oh, she can be so motherly) went over to Ashley and explained who I was. She (Ashley) immediately apologized profusely. (I heard her say to Anna: "I, like, thought he was a creep. Hahaha!" People seem to think I am getting deaf, but I heard it all. Soon after a hideous Chanel suit I designed especially for Ashley was delivered, there's pictures of her wearing it somewhere*.)

I hear my limousine arrive for another party. It is hard being man-god designer these days.

*This is how designers punish people, by designing horrible ugly clothes that people will wear because it's designer. I get a kick out of designing one or two of these items once a year, and laughing at the idiots who buy them. Louis Vuitton, on the other hand, seems to be in the practice of punishing people with every item they make. Good on you, Marc Jacobs.