A-R-T

Contemplating the word lackadaisical - I have decided is the drunk on the footpath of words - I, quite appropriately, stumbled into a little art gallery.

I say art gallery, when really those two words need capitals. Art Gallery. Capitals imply intent, which is why all countries have them. Art. Gallery. There was a Photography Showing on. The place was filled with those types of people who Look Down Upon Fashion and simultaneously Aspire To Be Fashionable. Have you seen them? I suppose you have. They have a long lost love affair with bowler hats, men and women, almost as though they are reconnecting with someone else’s roots. Bowler hats were in fashion when I was a chit.

Can one even do that? By the by, Mr. Steinmann, could I possibly reconnect with you? I do so like those curly sideburns you flaunt. They are very Fashion.

My word, I spun, or rather, my assistants turned the pedestal I happened to be standing on at the time, Who are You?

Me?! He said, brandishing his arms in a manner that implied my question was not worth answering. Who are You! He answered

My dear –

I don’t want any patrons of the arts! – he cut me off – I don’t want your approval! Go and buy your Hirst’s and Tillman’s, I don’t want any of your type there. You… you are too shiny!

That would be the gold I dust myself with each morning.

It is shiny!

I turned, or rather, my assistants turned me.
It is shiny - I conceded – but that was my intent.

Intent, PAH! – he threw his arms up in the air once more – you are just like every other burgeoning excuse for a photographer with your digital cameras and your photoshopping images to make them look as if they’re not digital and the way that you look at your camera after every shot. PAH! You don’t know ART. You don’t know what ART is!

My dear – I raised an eyebrow and began making icicles form mid-air – I was alive when Art was INVENTED. I have followed Art with Great Interest! What is this picture? It is a cloud.

It is MORE THAN JUST A CLOUD.

It is a cloud. In a sky.

IT IS ART. IT IS AN ABSTRACT PAINTING. LOOK AT THE COLOUR BLUE.

That is precisely the colour blue from the cover of my first editorial.

IT IS AN ORIGINAL COLOUR BLUE.

I believe it was then stolen from me by Chanel herself.

LOOK AT THE COLOUR. IT IS AN ABSTRACT PAINTING.

Yes, I conceded, growing tired. It is an abstract painting. Of a cloud. I can tell what is going to happen now - I said to this person, turning on my pedestal, looking for any lying lackadaisicals - The end is going to just arrive like someone unwanted at a small party.

I IMAGINE IT WILL.