Thursday, January 28, 2010

Babies

Since the last couture show- in which I showed not a single black piece. I was quite proud of myself, you know. Anyway, it's proved to be quite a hit with the public, and I've been inundated with requests for the silver tights I showed. Yesterday morning I woke up to find 35 babies, all dressed in quilted white jumpsuits at my doorstep. On each of them was a note: "In payment for one pair of silver tights" (or something similar). In essence, these babies were being sacrificed for Chanel. Understandable. People have tried to do this before- I've had beautiful young virgins delivered upon my desk, unicorns, first borns- that sort of thing. Who wouldn't want to sacrifice their child upon the alter of Chanel?

Yet what am I to do with 35 babies? I have no use for your children, mothers. What am I going to do? Eat them? Please- that would be cannibalism, which I believe is illegal in France and frowned upon by society. Anyway, what's more important than that is that eating a child would mean eating quite a few calories- they're very fattening, I'm told.
It's the same problem with the young beautiful virgins- they're very nice to look at, but they can't model, can't sew, and obviously eating them is rather fattening too. They're useless! I ended up throwing them back into the cliched fantasy world from which they came.

So. I suppose this is a personal appeal from I, Karl Lagerfeld: Please do not send me your babies, sacrificing humans is very last century- actually, it's even before that. It's simply not within the now. It's not modern. Nor is your first born (too Jesus Christ Superstar- fashion is not a musical!), your unicorn, your cat, your beautiful young virgin, et al. Your wallets will do just fine. Money never goes out of style. Last week I passed by a student communist party- from one of the universities, I suppose. They were selling food to fundraise for their revolution. The anarchists next door were doing the same. There was even a line for the anarchist's food-stand.

18 comments:

Little J said...

GIVE ME BACK MY BABY NOW! WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?!

jasmine said...

Uh oh, I just sent my baby to you with the hope that you'd send me a pastel dress. Damn.

fluidinsanity said...

I hear they taste like chicken...
maybe if you take of the skin, like with chicken they will not be so fattening.

fledgling said...

i love you.

xoxo
maxwell conrad

www.fledglingblog.blogspot.com

rizalman atelier said...

ur collection stood out the most!! the rest were all crap! gud job karl. Ellie, pls dont show us anymore of urs.

Jenny said...

you can sing them a lillaby :" baby love, my baby love / I need you, oh how I need you / But all you do is treat me bad / Break my heart and leave me sad / Tell me, what did I do wrong ..."
xoxo
http://www.sojenny.com

Dolly Daydream said...

Babies in exchange for silver tights by Karl Lagerfeld. Simply genius, I should of thought of that though I'm only 11 practically a baby (well not really, I'm at that awkward stage now). Cannibalism, hmmm not to sure about thT, THOUGH i've heard the forearm is the best bit.
*I'm sorry if this comment sounded a bit gory. I have no limits including in fashion, well I have what I have and wear what I wear.

http://dollydaydreamsdomicile.blogspot.com/

Margarita. said...

"money never goes out of style"

anonymous girl said...

hahha... I adore your writing. I would offer myself to you but unfortunately I am no longer a virgin and I can't sew. haha

Shani said...

Sound delusional, but flattering.
:)

emily said...

I would send you anything in exchange for those tights. unfortunately I do not have a baby nor do I have a virgin on hand, and i sacrifice my unicorns rather sparingly.

i do have a grandmother, though, who knits very nice jumpers. perhaps we can make a trade?
http://prettyincorrect.blogspot.com

Kari said...

I did notice the absence of black. Are you sick God? or is it just a really big change with Chanel these days?

La Michelle said...

i just love this blog,

xoxo

la-michelle-fashion.blogspot.com

la-michelle-fashion.blogspot.com

la-michelle-fashion.blogspot.com

la-michelle-fashion.blogspot.com

Metropolitan Mum said...

Un bebe, une bete, une betise. I'd give anything to get hold of these tights.

ilhu said...

hi karl. you're looking more tentacly than usual.
http://community.livejournal.com/illustrators/6016038.html

Birthday Girl said...

oh uncle karl. i adore you. would sacrifice my first child for you xx

http://nineteen-candles.blogspot.com/

Mumtaz® ♥♥♥♥ said...

Hello uncle karl
http://2009designer.blogspot.com
Yupp thats blog
its a FASHION BLOG! pLZ CHEK IT OUT!
i belive that iam the future of FA$HION!
One day all my dreams will come true!

Ross said...

......So I guess I can't exchange my mother for a piece from last fall? Well, that sucks.