I Am

I woke up this morning from a dream I’d had:
I was at a dreadful party with dreadful people who should not be allowed to wear Chanel (it should be only for Chic people only, non? I hate it when the fatties wear my clothes. The uglies are even worse*
And there I was, obviously bored, being chatted up by some creature. She was telling me I should get a “blog”. I thought this was a fabulous idea because I could teach the people who visit this “internet” how to be proper human beings.

Of course I’m not actually typing this out on a computer (I had my Mac G5 melted down into more rings, is much more useful, hmm?), but writing it out with my favourite pencil (one must have a favourite pencil) on specially monogrammed “KL” paper. Then I told an assistant to type it out and put it on the internet.

Now I must leave you. Because, unlike you, I have things to do.

*Speaking of, have you ever seen this American TV show, “Ugly Betty”? I should hope that you haven’t, as it is a hideous programme which pretends that there’s a place in fashion for ugly and fat people. There isn’t. So if you are reading my “blog” and you are either of those things, I advise you to close your browser now and never come back. Thankyou.

Love, Karl.