Tips for Catching the Girls/Boys

Anna and I are sitting on the couch discussing this, so I thought I might help my readers by putting up these tips, this advice for catching the boys/girls.

1.) Start your sentence with who you are. "I am obviously Karl Lagerfeld, hmm?"
2.) Buy a fan, and fan yourself constantly when you see them.
3.) Have Vogue encoded with anagrams for this person: for instance, "I love you" becomes "Olive You"; as in "Olive You, the new designer at Dior showed a stunning collection last Thursday".
Of course, "Olive You" is really yourself under a pseudonym, and if necessary you may have to...bump someone off at a company in order to give "Oliver You" a place.
4.) Buy a large Chanel people catching net, and catch other potential suitors of this person. Don't try and catch the person you desire, hmm? Anna has found this makes them most agitated.

I've never really had any problem with all this, hmm? But maybe this is useful for those of you who do. Anna thinks being beautiful helps, and of course it does. Also being rich. Don't you read Vogue?

Well actually I don't read Vogue. I have it printed onto wallpaper and give the wallpaper out as presents. How terribly Andy Warhol! Does anybody read Vogue? I figure someone must do.
Well. It gives Anna something to do anyway and you do not want to see Anna with nothing to do.
Two words: Vandalizing delinquent.
Nobody remembers teenage Anna. Why? Teenage Anna does not exist. That is the official answer.

The other answer entails you going to abandoned factories in England and reading the graffiti on the walls. She was known as The Editor. How ironic, hmm?

Also, collection 2 has been released in the shop. See it here.
Some of the items are tres chic. Marc Jacobs brought all the totes. He came into the shop (don't ask me how he came into a shop on the internet) and said "I'll have all of them" and spent all his ciggy money on the totes. Then he sort of disappeared into blips and dots because he realized that he probably shouldn't physically be in a virtual shop anyway. He was found in his office with a Russian Folk dance troupe.

(Fashion) People

Sometimes I go to a fashion district- in whatever city I'm in, and I get Nico from my personal makeup team to make me up as a homeless vagrant.

Yes, you heard right dear readers. A homeless vagrant.

And I sit on one of the seats that are provided wherever you go, and sometimes I comment on the people going past:
"You look chic, hm?"
"Dear, why are you wearing fake Chanel? That is so demode"
"Why are you eating?"

And the reactions are entertaining enough: "Ew, you smelly old man!", "gross!", "I wonder what Karl Lagerfeld would say about you? I know Karl you know!"
No- you do not know me. I've never seen your face in my life. (This is a common thing in the fashion industry: saying you know me. Some people even create photoshop images of them and I, together. )

And I'm saying this all in my normal voice. Yet nobody knows that it's me! Hilarious, hm?
(Apart from Rei. I was once in Japan, and Rei came up to me whilst I was dressed as a homeless vagrant and she said "Karl, why are you dressed like that? I thought you hated John Galliano?"
I said "shhh!" and Rei decided that it would be fun to join me as a homeless vagrant. So we went to the Comme des Garcons store and were kicked out. Rei had a sort of spasm-like laughing fit, and Anna came and fired the staff in that Comme des Garcons store the next day. "YOU DID NOT RECOGNIZE DEAR LEADER! SHAME ON YOU!")

Sometimes I don't say anything at all, and I just watch all the fashion people walk around.
They studiously ignore each other, with their noses upturned. Like they're trying to say: "I'M MORE FASHION THAN YOU".

P.S
The collection will be updated next week. Every week! That's true fast fashion.
(So go buy the collection now, hmm?)

COLLECTION

I have no time to be hungover, hmm? We have already got the first Karl collection ready.
(and thanks to secret agent Kolette*)

Here it is:







...And there is more, hmm? More more more! So new! So now!
Clothes for the babies and women and the children and the men and the dog!

So chic. Go get them.

*the reason Anna was not sick all over me after her 100th bottle. The women is not going to be in her office for a few weeks. Which is why she has a stand-in actor.
Tom's still here too. He's not actually drunk. Or hungover. He's just hanging around, I'm not sure if he knows where he is. Maybe he thinks it's a fitting, hmm?
And Yves has gotten a boyfriend, so I've got the flowers for the boyfriend ready already. They'll be sent off in a week. They're in the freezer. I think that'll keep them from dying, hm?