Modern Love

As I was walking home this evening- yes, I walk home- it was just down the street and cars have that smell to them. That sort of enclosed, meringue smell. I was walking home, down the glass boulevard where I spied a couple making love in the alleyway. The man took out a notepad, and I heard: "Let's begin this negotiation." The woman, in her red dress and diamond-glass earrings said: "I believe this will last for twenty minutes." The man said "Yes, but could we make it another 5? My sexual organs are out-performing expectations today." The woman lent against the wall, like a starlet on cyanide- she pursed her thin lips, eventually saying "Hm. I suppose that would be acceptable, however efficiency is key." For a moment I was confused- lovemaking has changed a lot since my day, I was thinking. Then another thought passed my mind: "Ah, we are witnessing prostitution. How interesting." I called to one of my ninja-floral-pants-assistants, who was hiding under a pothole. I scolded him for the cliche of his hiding place, and asked him to get a chair. I sat outside the opening of the alleyway, watching this act of lovemaking. It was all very efficient and mechanistic. I eagerly awaited the transaction of the money- wondering Just How Much it costs for a prostitute these days (and which one is the prostitute, hmm? I believe that's what BRAD'S GONE INTO YOU DESERTER. Brad who?)
Yet there was no transaction made. I went up to the woman afterwards*, as I helped her zip up- in all honesty, she could lose a kilogram or two. Not too bad, though- not a model, either. I asked the woman: "Did he pay by credit card?"
"Non Karl" (because everybody knows who I am), "we were making Modern Love."
"Ah.." said I, remembering why I went into asexuality.

*Frankly, I prefer to be surrounded by women. (Hi Belle, Tavi, Lady Amanda, etc). Men want to be me; women simply envy me. It's terrible when somebody wants to be you- especially if they're not paying for the privilege. Imagine if somebody created a fake me? Mon dieu! Mon Coco! Mon Chanel!

When the said "Repent", I wondered what they meant

I suppose I better address this Beth Ditto issue. People have misconstrued me as being anti-fat. Have I ever said anything of the sort? Non, it's the media that's been manipulating my words to say what they want me to say. Who do I have tea-and-diet-coke with every day? Alber. As in Alber Elbaz of Lanvin. As we all know, Alber is of....a certain size.
At the end of the day we must realize that we are in a recession, and that a fat woman has far more meat on her when we run out of cows and other animals...the fast food joints need some sort of meat, no? It's not a problem for us who don't eat; but I'm informed that in America most people eat.

I'm predicting that in this recession, when the cows go bankrupt, more people will become vegan. About 50% or so. The other half will result to cannibalism. Actually, I'm being a bit optimistic- slap on the wrist, Karl! More like 90% to cannibalism, 10% to veganism. The point of the stick being that veganism will become a less "cool" or "hipster" thing to do, which will result in the global extinction of hipsterism by the year 2015 as the hipsters realize that their parents are also vegans and as a result keel over almost immediately.

Of course, this is if we are in a recession. Which, as I dictate whilst drinking out of a 16th century goblet, it doesn't seem to be. However- if people think something is something, it becomes it anyway. For instance, when Yves Saint Laurent was designing people were so desperate to equate his sexual prowess with his "design" skills, so the collective delusion of the world created a design genius.

In any case, one victim of this supposed-recession is my pencil. I had it on me Just The Other Day, and now it is gone. Perhaps it got so depressed by the TV-box talking about all these businesses going bankrupt that it simply transported itself to the planet where pencils live. I don't blame it. That TV-box is always talking about the recession. It just can't shut up about it! I have thrown all my boxes-of-TVs out the window, but every so often there might be a TV-box on in a room somewhere else.

This blog has recently come to my attention. Karla's Closet. On her blog there is three images of her posing as a header. I must applaud her for this. I always wonder why people don't post pictures of themselves as a header. After all, I do it. But Karla does it even better, what with three poses. The first one shows her sort of hugging herself, her head high looking at us as if we might be her "homies". The second shows her looking at the ground, as if she has gum on her shoe. The third shows her smiling at us, in a fashion which does not remind me at all of a wolf. I just want to thank you Karla, and congratulate you.