Saturday, October 10, 2009


Recently around the atelier I've noticed a sort of "trend" popping up. Or rather, I thought it was a "trend" at first. It appears that it is more insidious. Let me explain, hm?

1) I noticed about a month ago that my seamstresses were placing bags of brown-black coloured material into hot water, and then drinking it. My seamstresses would gather around in a circle and exchange gossip as they drank this brown liquid. I thought this most curious.

2) After a while, I noticed other people were doing it as well. My assistant, Veronique started drinking the brown liquid. Even the models, who exist on a substance called "Evian" were drinking it. Multiple circles of people drinking the liquid started to form. I noted this phenomena in my handy-dandy notebook as "crop circles."

3) During Paris fashion week, I noticed whole rows of security men and runway-cleaners (a job similar to street cleaner) were dipping the bags of brown-black into hot water. I wondered where on Earth these people got the idea to drink this brown concoction.

4) I asked Yves, who was yawning because he's been dead for a long time now, what this thing-- this brown water thing is. He said it is called "tea". I noted it in my notebook.

4) Yesterday I shouted, in my most thick and treacle-like accent: "WHAT IS THIS TEA?"
Veronique said "Oh Karl, it is something you drink."
"Like diet Coke?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Well, you know how diet Coke comes ready-made.."
"Yes. It is pret-a-porter drink. I am, after all, a commoner, hm?"
"Well tea is something you make on the spot"
"Like couture!"
"Yes, like couture."
"Why is everyone drinking couture?"
She shrugged. "Because they like the taste?"

I thought this was also curious. Couture drink. Whatever next? Well. I was about to find out something far more sinister..

6) I went into the seamstresses break room, where they don't sew but "break", as the name suggests. I saw them in a circle, chanting away- here is the chant:

"No really!"
"Yes really!"
"He didn't?!"
"He did!"
"No really!"
"You'll never believe but.."
"Mon dieu!"
"I know!"

And they kept repeating this chant on and on, and it was at this moment that I realized I was in the middle of a cult.

"No really!"
"Yes really!'
"You'll never believe but.."

These people worship gods such as: Bell, Dilmah, "Earl Grey", "Lady Grey", "Twinings". I suppose this is the changing world, hm? Couture drinks. Goodness me. I will keep you updated. Maybe you, dear reader, are a part of this cult too.


Ofelia Botella. said...

well, well, I might eventually try that exotic drink that comes in brown little bags, in the mean time i'll keep on reading your hilarious posts!

Spardha Malik said...

no no i'm into avant-garde drink called 'filter coffee' you'll love it karl, really.

(u r so witty ;))

Flavoredtrash said...

even thought I admire your work, I heard about your drama about "plus size people".

Please, don't forget that you have been a fat pig or years, and that you still work with fat pigs called Lily Allen and Beth Ditto.


Annie said...

I love drinking tea - I shall think of this article whenever I do now.

FieldsOfCharlotte said...

highlight of my day...
simply divine.

Pearl Westwood said...

Your blog is the funnist thing I've read in ages!!!

English Rose said...

As my sister once said to me: "Tea is a cup of life." Or something similarly quaint. I wasn't really listening because Stella McCartney for Gap Kids had just come out and I was wondering whether I could fit into some of the military-esque coats if I got them in extra large.


KathleenShimp said...

I sometimes purchase loose tea leaves and place them myself into a metal contraption called a "tea ball", and brew my tea thus, rather than with ready-made bags.
Top that.

TKTK/Glynnis Mapp said...

Je t'aime Karl lol.

Unknown said...

Flavoredtrash, you are aware that this blog is just for kicks and is not maintained by the real Karl Lagerfeld?