Airhead Soufflé

For ladies who do not lunch because they are simply beyond.

This is one of my favourites. Because it has zero calories, it is totally edible. Great for warming up on a cold day. It's even suitable for vegans: it's that good. The trick with this is to make sure the air is as clean as it possibly can be. Remember, the best ingredients make the best meals! I feed it to all my models. I got the recipe from Andy, so it's in American measurements.

(Kids! You can make this recipe yourself! But if you are a fattie, go for a run beforehand)

500g of air, clean.
6 tablespoons of margarine
1/2 cup of all purpose flour
A dash of ground red pepper
1 1/2 cups of milk
3 cups of shredded cheddar, Swiss Colby or Havarti cheese
6 egg yolks
6 egg whites


Take the eggs, flour , pepper, milk, cheese, and eggs and throw them into a rubbish bin. I find a quilted rubbish bin works the best, but throwing them out the window at the smelly people walking by is another option. Place the clean air inside a tin, and make sure the air is rolled out evenly. It's important not to fill all the tin up. About three thirds of the way shall do the trick. Sprinkle a bit of air on the top, if you desire the dish to be slightly more flavoured. Place a CD by Nico on the CD player. Place the tin containing the mixture into the oven, and bake on high for 10-15 minutes. When cooked, the air should have risen, and the soufflé will be done. You can eat this yourself or share with friends.

Karl Tip! The best soufflé's are "made" because of the timing. Don't let the oven door open before you're ready to take the dish out, and keep a good eye the oven! This is the favourite meal of Mary-Kate Olsen, and many other doyens of the New York Social scene.

PETA Pie Recipe

Finding the right recipe for your needs can be hard, but I, Karl Lagerfeld, have decided to help. Over the next week I'll be giving you recipes that you can take home and do yourself! The one we're doing today, PETA Pie, is advised not to be eaten, as it contains calories. However I feel this is a classic, as it really teaches those demode PETA people a lesson.

(Kids! Have a parent help you with the recipe, if your parent was unfortunate enough to have you)

Ingredients:
5 Members of PETA. The brunettes tend to do better.
150g of quilted Chanel butter.
8 sheets of Fendi Pastry.
A sprinkle of salt.

This is a rather simple recipe, but the trick is in the preparation. And of course, getting the right ingredients. You don't want a skinny-as-a-model PETA member; you want to juicy fatties with lots of meat on them.

Karl Tip! Capturing the fatties requires quite a bit of cunning. If you put some cake out, they should come running. For interests in being humane I suggest you say to the PETA members: "Remember fatties, this is your purpose in life! A slice of cake on the lips puts you in the pot!"

Next, skin the fatties and start to cut them up. Try and cut off most of their fat, so you get to the meat part of them. A friend of mine, Dr. Lecter, recommends specially preparing the checks, which simply melt in your mouth according to him (Lecter, "Cooking with Cannibals made easy-peasy, pg. 250-251). I wouldn't know, since I don't eat this.

After you have done this, place the pastry into a tin. It's best to get an assistant to do this, as merely touching pastry can transfer the fattie-particles from it to you. Place the meat of the PETA members in the pie, and mix this with the quilted butter. A sprinkle of salt rounds it off nicely. Place one more layer of pastry on the top, and place in oven on bake at 180 degrees Celsius for about 25 minutes. When done, sell the pie on the street.

Karl Tip! This works very well with red wine: thank Anna for the tip. Diet Coke, of course, goes with everything. It is the new black.