Cathy (Old Karl's Book of Fashionable People)

Cathy Horyn was a high faultin' critic,
(Some say she was an acrobat!)
She made the rounds, wearing a beanie as her hat,
And a hip flask filled with gin and tonic

Yet bacon muffins were her game- she dreamt of them at night,
(When she'd tucked her clothes from Walmart far out of site),
In the mornings she'd make them, after pruning the roses,
And a visit from a plump lady who claimed to read her blog:

"My name is A.Cat.Lady" said the woman with a grin,
And she wore a dress of florals, as middle aged women do,
"I adore your blog! I love it!" she exclaimed frightfully,
As Cathy backed away- said she had to go to sea

"But do you have a new recipe?" was what our floral lady said next,
As drool fell down her chin as she imagined things with bacon
Well- Cathy was tempted, I don't need to tell you that,
As she popped inside with a notebook, and revealed her carefully hidden stash:

"This is my new recipe!" laughed Cathy oh so deeply*,
"It is a bacon flavoured wine!" she announced, as her admirer regarded her meekly
"Oh great Cathy! You're the hero! The hero of New York!"
As the Pea- travelling in his moped, stopped in for a gawk

"Well, well, well, what do we have here, my finely adorned friends?"
-the Pea jumped out of his pea-green moped and flexed his manly muscles, and fixed Cathy with a fiendish glare
"How nice of you to join us!", Cathy wearily spoke,
In her deep monotone voice- it looked like the Pea had seen a ghost,
"I am telling this badly dressed, floral, dumpling-shaped middle aged woman my recipe for wine-"
"I see"
"But not just any wine, oh no! For it is bacon flavoured wine."
"I shall have to take a photo" said the Pea, turning green
As Cathy turned her attention to the pie simmering on the windowsill,
And I felt self-satisfaction, in the fact that I don't eat

*Whilst turning around to Julie Anne and saying "Go to Barnard!"