Saturday, May 2, 2009

Variations on the Death of Blogging

Dear Twitter Followers,

I am very, very, very disappointed in you. You are the most demode people that I have ever encountered. I have seen your tweets. I do not care that you are having a shower. The mere fact that you are having a shower implies that you were at some point dirty, which I find repulsive. I do not care that you think so-and-so is the "coolest" person ever. I do not care what you had for lunch. Why are you eating in the first place? Why do you have a twitter anyway? Do you really think anybody cares what you are doing right now? I certainly do not care what you are doing right now- you bore me. Yet what I am most disappointed in is the fact that you appear to be a bunch of coffee-addicted, hyper-active, ADD children. As I dictate this most to an assistant, I am told I have 1577 followers. But, how many of you actually read this blog? The answer is: less than that. "But oh! We follow you on twitter because it is the hip and cool thing to do! All the celebrities are on twitter now, not blogging." Non non non, the real reason so little of you 1577 cannot read this blog is because you cannot read! You people cannot read any more than one-hundred-and-forty characters at a time! Your short little attention spans can only grasp these little messages of 140 letters, hm? Novels, I am sure, will start to be 140 characters. Short stories will become 75 characters; and songs will be just 15 characters. If we keep going this way, "ABBA DABBA ZAPPAA" will be the hit song of 2010!

Blogging is dead, hmm? Long live twitter!

Love,
Uncle Karl

14 comments:

Vermine said...

I read your blaugh and don't give a shit about your twits. Just so you know.

Yours icely,

Vermine.

darkroomdemons.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
darkroomdemons.com said...

Egads...I just destroyed a simple sentence and have had to call upon my editor to ensure this goes right the second go-round...

As I stated so succinctly in 92 twitterific emulations, the life of literature lies in the hands of the illiterate. We are doomed to know that YMMV in every instance of semi-sweet personal masturbation from idiots without quill or parchment. From now on...you, unkle Karl, are reduced to tell these Twit-Twats they are simply DMD.

The Child Left Behind,

Tyler

feefiefofum said...

Abba Dabba Zappaa, the hit single of 2010, is now stuck in my head.

the paris apartment said...

Thanks for saying it out loud, Karl!

Pixellatedsoul said...

I'm reading and refuse to twitter because I am the élite.

Love Leader Of The √Člite.
x

Amandine said...

What's twitter?

Hope said...

bahaha at all of this! (p.s. I am stealing part of your hungry model story for my blog!)

cuteboysmakemenervous said...

TWITTER DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH PICTURES

they call me electropop said...

I will love you forever Karl.

Anonymous said...

my chic little bird is the only twitter I allow

LAURAHAGAN said...

i do wonder if you drink coffee black or with cream, but i do not wonder this about anyone else.
xo

gilda said...

i laughed so hard i gagged. i promise to never tweet about eating ever again. especially when i'm in your timezone and you're awake to see it.
:D

baiba said...

then why you are on twitter if it kills blogging, which seems so more important to you?

b.