Dear Twitter Followers,
I am very, very, very disappointed in you. You are the most demode people that I have ever encountered. I have seen your tweets. I do not care that you are having a shower. The mere fact that you are having a shower implies that you were at some point dirty, which I find repulsive. I do not care that you think so-and-so is the "coolest" person ever. I do not care what you had for lunch. Why are you eating in the first place? Why do you have a twitter anyway? Do you really think anybody cares what you are doing right now? I certainly do not care what you are doing right now- you bore me. Yet what I am most disappointed in is the fact that you appear to be a bunch of coffee-addicted, hyper-active, ADD children. As I dictate this most to an assistant, I am told I have 1577 followers. But, how many of you actually read this blog? The answer is: less than that. "But oh! We follow you on twitter because it is the hip and cool thing to do! All the celebrities are on twitter now, not blogging." Non non non, the real reason so little of you 1577 cannot read this blog is because you cannot read! You people cannot read any more than one-hundred-and-forty characters at a time! Your short little attention spans can only grasp these little messages of 140 letters, hm? Novels, I am sure, will start to be 140 characters. Short stories will become 75 characters; and songs will be just 15 characters. If we keep going this way, "ABBA DABBA ZAPPAA" will be the hit song of 2010!
Blogging is dead, hmm? Long live twitter!